Oh my word. (please click on pic to see detail better)Today I sent off four boxloads of work to three galleries.
To say I was relieved was an understatement.I have learnt SO much about what is important to me, about commitment and in general, the elusive work/life balance.
I made, what is probably the classic mistake of not viewing it as 'work'.
It was something I loved doing, right?
So, even though I was doing a regular day job, I was still putting in hours most evenings, all weekends etc etc.I have neglected my family and home, it hasn't been a great experience to be honest.And I feel really bad for even thinking that, but overall that is how I feel.
I don't know where that leaves me, to be honest.
I had a massive crisis of confidence a few weeks ago, when one of those'life shifts' occured and things clicked and dropped into place .I still have more questions than answers, Unfortunately reality bites and blogland can cushion you from the facts.Support is wonderful and essential but we are all chasing the same elusive dream.
And I'm not sure it's out there.
This, however, is not all doom and gloom.
Like the scene in Sex and the City when Miranda realises that guys don't ring, because they're 'just not that into you' it can be empowering.It's just a thought.There are other things going on, in all our lives.
I took 203 photo's today.
That should feed the blog for a while.
I've made some work I definately want to pursue.
I don't want to see anything that resembles a fairy for a long time.
Anyway, all is good.
I'd be interested to hear your thoughts, I'm sure I'm not alone in this earth shattering realisation.
Just a bit behind the door.
3 comments:
I do know what you mean, but I still have the dream. There is nothing wrong with wanting to pursue your passion and I can't see a time when I will ever stop doing that. there has to be some good that comes from all the knock backs and disappointments..right? I understand your dilemma over work life balance, unfortunately we need the regular work to fund the dream, it's a never ending circle. I have had massive highs and awful lows in the real world, not blogworld and I don't think I could have coped with the lows without my blog friends.
On another note, my friend told me your work was in the exchange theatre in manchester so off I went today, no work. I rang her and she got the info off a leaflet, today she read it properly...2009..I thanked her (in a special way) have you sent that off yet or can i see some of it? stay positive, the very fact that your work has gone off to galleries is a sign os success!
Very difficult. I always wanted to give up the day job and work on what I love doing but then it becomes a job and you do actually get fed up of it. I was thinking that its probably better to have a day job and just do as much or as little as you want of what you love. But if you want a presence in a gallery you have to do a lot of it!
I tend to work all day, nearly every day, and at night in front of the TV too - it's a way of life, and I've been striving for it since I was 16, (I am 41 now...). Though I've never worked as hard as I have these last few years. If you are serious about it, you simply have to put the hours in, and accept that there will be times when you find yourself almost hating what you used to love doing when it was a fun hobby. But there will be times when you get a eureka moment and you can look at your work with real pride and be glad of all the graft you put in. As for others chasing the same dream - to be honest, most people can't hack the hard work, constant self promotion, seclusion, tedium, setbacks and rejections that can accompany building up a one-person art/craft business.
It works the same way in illustration - there were about 14 illustrators who graduated with me. Most of them gave up properly trying to get freelance work soon after. Only one that I know of (apart from me) has made a full time career of it. Real life sets in after graduation and after just a few months of no work, many people get a regular job, in order to get a mortgage, have holidays, spending money, a car...all of which I've managed without for all of my life. (And yet am told how lucky I am!) So basically, people set out with high aspirations, but most of them fall by the wayside. You just have to remain tunnel visioned on your own path, and not get distracted by anyone else, or compare yourself with anyone else. I know all this sounds terribly blunt, but I wouldn't bother writing all that if I didn't think you were doing something really worth while.
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